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The First Trimester, The Worst Trimester.

Pregnancy


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Finding out- shock, joy & excitement…

The first trimester..

Whether you’ve been trying or whether it came as complete surprise when those two pink lines appear you are met with an overwhelming feeling of shock – is this really happening?, I’m so excited,  Holy sh*t I’m scared, OMG I’m going to be a Mum (again), finally it’s happened for us, am I ever going to get a full nights sleep again?, or just plain old F*CK are a few of or all of the things that run through your head!

Once the initial shock wears off (i think a little bit of the shock stays with you forever) you may feel an huge sense of excitment, gratitude, happiness and also fear. Fear of the unknown, whether you’re already a Mum or not pregnancy and motherhood is always a great unknown.

You tell your partner and you both are so excited looking forward to the future and imagining what your life is going to look like.


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Sickness, isolation, emotions & questions..

Then the first trimester hits. The sickness. All day or maybe just the morning or evening or maybe not at all. The emotional roller coaster, the hormones, the exhaustion. The painful boobs, the cramping, the spotting, the insomnia. The anxiety and tightness in your chest.

No one told you about this? You thought it was all #blessedlife, glow and gratitude.

And then you start questioning and over analyzing everything.

What if somethings wrong?

What if I misscarry?

Why am I so sick and living off toast but Sally next door is sipping green juices and doing pilates everyday and she’s pregnant?

I thought you only got morning sickness in the morning?

Is this spotting normal?

Why am I getting these pains?

I can’t eat, I cant keep anything down. I hope Im not harming my baby.

Im struggling and can’t look after my other child/ren.

I feel guilty for not being able to be an attentive wife and/or mother.

I’m not performing at work. Will my boss notice? Will I lose my job?

I feel so crappy, I cant exercise.

Why are all these other pregnant women so happy and doing so much more than me?

When does the glowing start?

I’m hopeless.

Im alone.

I’m scared.

But I cant tell anyone because I’m not in the “safe zone.”

The First Trimester & 12 week “rule”…

For some reason we have developed this rule that we must keep our pregnancy to ourselves until 12 weeks. Of course you might not want to shout it from the roof tops but why have we put this expectations on ourselves to keep this to ourselves? This means we have to suffer in silence with our emotions, exhaustion and sickness until we are in the “safe zone.”

For many weeks on end with both my pregnancies I sheltered myself, hid myself from my friends, my family and the community of women who support me day in and day out.

This pregnancy I stopped engaging on my social media as I normally do because I felt like I was lying to everyone with whom are always so honest with me. To be completely honest I started to feel a sense of jealousy of everyone who looked so happy and healthy doing all the things I couldn’t. I couldn’t leave the house (or bed some days) and I began to feel so isolated and started questioning myself and my decisions.

Sickness both mentally & physically…

Being so incredibly sick with HG, spending days in hospital, weeks in bed, taking truck loads of medication that pretty much do nothing and not being able to care for my young daughter (Millie) definitely triggers my anxiety and depression.

Luckily, I am aware of my mental health and have ways to cope but during my first time pregnancy this wasn’t the case and seriously struggled to pull myself out of it and survive. For many women who are not aware of their emotions and mental well being I believe these first 12 weeks / few months could be laying the foundations for how you feel the rest of your pregnancy and beyond if you don’t seek the help you need.

If you’re feeling unstable, depressed or anxious in any way open up, tell some friends, seek some professional help. I seriously encourage you to. With the help of my psychologist and psychiatrist I developed a plan to help myself cope and manage through my first pregnancy but it took me way longer than it should have to seek that help.

It takes a village…

At about 8-10 weeks I started to tell a couple of my closest friends and some of my family which took some of the pressure off but I still felt quite alone and isolated. It really wasn’t until I shared with my wider friendship groups, other mums I know and my online community and started to feel supported and was able to ask for advice that I realised that I am not alone and a huge weight felt like it was lifted.

They say it takes a village. So why not tell our village during the first trimester so they can support us through what I believe and what many others have told me is the hardest part of their pregnancy and one of the most important and transitional phases in a woman’s life. You’re not only trying to function through incredible sickness and exhaustion but your emotions are seriously out of whack. One minute you’re happy and overjoyed and the next you’re sad and scared, you feel guilty for not feeling #blessed 24/7. You have one million questions you want answered and probably someone within your community that could help answer them if they knew instead of relying on doctor google who will convince you every time of the worst.

Use Your Village for support in the first trimester..

In the first trimester, during the struggles wouldn’t it be best to have your village to offer support, to help you with your other children, to listen to, to comfort you, to ask their advice if you know they’ve been through the same and to support you through these days?

Once my family and friends knew I was pregnant and knew I was sick they are forever texting me, calling me and offering support and help.

In those first few months many women are sick and exhausted, they aren’t able to physically or mentally function at the same capacity as they normally would so telling your employer, your workmates, your fitness instructors/personal trainer and anyone else that can help to take some of the pressure off you. They can help you to manage your workload & safely cope through these first few months.

Like I said at the start its not about shouting it from the roof tops in the first trimester (you can if you choose). But I do think we need to start opening up more to more of our village. We need to stop expecting ourselves to take all of this on ourselves with out help, encouragement and support.

Women are strong and amazing and we are even stronger and more amazing when we come together to support one another.

If you need an ear to listen my inbox/emails is always open and I try to reply as much as I can. I am always here for you and you are never alone. I have also started a online Mothers Club on Facebook you can join here THE MAMA CLUB By Brittany Noonan

If you are feeling alone, isolated, struggling with your emotions always speak up and ask for help whether it’s from a friend or a professional. Never feel ashamed that you’re not feeling OK even during time where you are “meant” to be feeling happiness and gratitude what I’ve learnt is that you can actually feel both at the same time. I truly hate that there is expectations for women to feel a certain way when they are dealing with so many mixed emotions, hormones and things beyond their control in pregnancy.

With Love,

Brittany xx

MENTAL HEALTH HELP LINES:

PANDA National Helpline

(Mon to Fri, 9am – 7.30pm AEST) Call 1300 726 306

LIFELINE: 13 11 14

BLOGGED: READ HOW WE FOUND OUT WE WERE PREGNANT FOR OUR 3RD TIME HERE.

Apr 5, 2018

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  1. Madeleine says:

    And this is why I told people as soon as I found out for both this pregnancy and my first. If it had ended in miscarriage so be it, that first few weeks is way too hard to go through alone. Hoping you’re feeling better! x

  2. Floriane says:

    That’s exactly what I needed to her – thank you!
    Only 8 weeks along (1st pregnancy) and feeling so sick and exhausted all the time! It’s hard to not have control over you body anymore… but learning to deal with it.
    Thank you for your kind words and all the best for the rest of your pregnancy X

  3. Mayane says:

    I can’t even explain how much this just helped me!! Thank you so much for writing this. I’m only 8 weeks into my first pregnancy and I’m so, so sick. I just feel horrible and I can’t seem to find it in myself to be happy no matter how much I try. I don’t feel guilty for that anymore though. I’m hoping I will feel less sick in the coming months!

  4. Shannon says:

    This is so spot on 👌🏻 I’m 10 and a half weeks with my second pregnancy and boy is it hard! I’m sicker this time around than I was with my first I was sick with her until I had her so I am hoping this time around is different but gosh it’s so hard looking after a toddler when you feel like this I feel so guilty daily 😫I hope you start to feel better soon thank you for posting this 😘😘

  5. Anonymous says:

    Also I just have a quick question will you get the flu shot? Very random I know I’m just so unsure whether to have it or not I’ll be getting it once I’m about 16 weeks x

  6. Amiee says:

    We just found out that we are pregnant with our 2nd (due 3 days before our daughters 3rd birthday- Easter must be our fertile time 😜) I had hg through my entire 1st preganacy and I can feel the beginning stages kicking in again, I’ve already cried so many tears cause it’s going to be a long year. But being able to read similar stories definitely stops me feeling so alone, I have the most supportive family and husband but they’ll never quite understand the hopelessness you feel knowing this is going on for another 8 months! So thank you for being so open xx

  7. Karina Cordero says:

    I am 6 weeks pregnant living in another country away from my family. I came for a one year opportunity program abroad and had a boyfriend here needless to say I got pregnant (very unexpected) and I am sooo miserable. I am exhausted all the time and the job is exhausting as well so I swear I am border line of getting fired because I just don’t have the energy ( I am a 5th 6th and 8th grade math teacher by the way). There’s no AC so I’m always hot and the other day I puked so hard I peed on myself. I Have to force myself to eat while being nauseous all the time which is also tiring and doing this with my family being far away is really really hard… I am almost going to go home but waiting for my insurance to come thru…. I find myself anxious and just down (don’t want to say depressed even though that’s probably what I am) and just don’t feel like doing anything… it’s been very very hard actually one of the hardest things I’ve gone thru…I’m hoping and praying somewhere this will get easier or just more manageable . thank you for letting me vent and sharing my story

    • Ellen says:

      Hi Karina. I am also living out of my home country. I am also 6 weeks and very much having pains and cramps also nausea and anxiety. I’m going to be 33. I live in Central America. I’m Canadian and it’s hard without my family around. Thanks for speaking up about how you’re feeling. Even tho it’s horrible, I don’t feel so alone

      • Kay says:

        Thank you guys for sharing your experience. I’m also living away from my family. I’m in Canada. I’m 15 weeks pregnant. Living with my husband and daughter. But I feel so depressed sometimes, especially when I’m not eating. Hope it gets better for you both.

  8. Rachel says:

    Thankyou so much for writing this, I can strongly relate to everything you experienced and really appreciate your sharing your story.

  9. Maddy says:

    Thank you thank you thank you. I feel alone and not myself at all and hard on myself for not being myself… all while dealing with exhaustion, nausea, painful indigestion, and so many emotions. It’s hard and this was helpful.

  10. Kay says:

    Thank you. I’m crying as I write this because I feel so alone. I feel helpless, even with my daughter and my husband around. This is my second child. But I feel so sick sometimes. Some days are better than some. I’m still trying eat, I’m 15 weeks, but it’s a struggle. I’ll keep pushing. Thanks for the positivity.

  11. LJ says:

    Wow. Thank you so much for this. I have been in so much pain due to gas and constipation- almost 8 weeks and I needed to hear this.

  12. Jessica says:

    This. This is all so true. First pregnancy, just shy of 9 weeks and I’ve been barely functioning for most of those! We aren’t sharing until we’re in the safe zone, but as the days wear on and I’m doing all I can to avoid friends and social situations I’m beginning to think that’s BS! I haven’t left the house in weeks, I feel horrible and am starting to feel so lonely. Less so knowing I’m far from alone 🙂 Thanks for sharing.

  13. Renee says:

    I’m so happy I just read this and all of the comments. I seem to only meet women who tell me they had a wonderful pregnancy and no nausea. I’m so sick, the exhaustion is paralyzing and I feel so alone. I feel like I’m failing at pregnancy. This is my first so I had no idea what I was getting into. To make matters worse I got pregnant 6 months before my destination wedding so everything is ruined and I’m just overwhelmed with stress and fear. I wasn’t ready for this but before I knew it I couldn’t fit my clothes and I could barely get out of bed. Thank you everyone for sharing. It’s good to know I’m not just a pregnancy failure.

  14. Sarah says:

    I’m glad I read this. I’m tired, exhausted, emotional and going through work pressure. Pregnancy isn’t an excuse but it merits some understanding. It’s just not the easiest. No one understands unless they’ve been there, done that.

  15. Amy says:

    Needed this. Thank you xx

  16. Rosario says:

    Thank you so much for this! I’m 6 weeks pregnant (first time) and I feel all this things! I haven’t been able to work and I feel so alone. Knowing that I’m not the only one, makes me feel less lonely

  17. Anonymous says:

    Thank you so much for writing this. I am only in my 6th week but suffering especially emotionally. Feeling really alone, sad and exhausted. Physical pains and nausea don’t help improve the situation. I have a history of depression and anxiety so I am wondering if this might have an impact too.
    I really don’t know whom I would want to tell yet. I might however mention it to my doctor next week and hope that she has some good advice. Thank you so much!

    • Brittany Noonan says:

      I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s definitely worth speaking to your doctor to get some help or referal to some professional help. Good luck beautiful xx

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